Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
