i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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