I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
