my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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