Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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