I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
