And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
