yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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