You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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