You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
