they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
