When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I will be naked everywhere
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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