I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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