He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
