honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
