is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
