I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
