so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
