This is not my ceiling
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
