Tell her she can't have a vagina
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
