Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
