i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
