first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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