have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
