well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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