the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
