I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
