Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Farmville is her only friend.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
