i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
