we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
