We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
