he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
