Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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