Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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