I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
