"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
