we need to drink 2009 down the drain
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
