I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
