He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
