i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
