i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am available for nakedness
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
