You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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