Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
