This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
