Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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