So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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