Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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