I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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