I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
