You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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