found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
