and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize