it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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