I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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