you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
