pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
