Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
