Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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