On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
