Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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