this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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