We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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