at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
