Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
