I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
