I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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