Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
