Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
