Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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