we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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