I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
