and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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