Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
